Torix and Constantine

For a Fish

Do unto others...

Torix & Constantine get out of the barrels and decide to wait for Dreier on the bank of the West Stromm.  A forest borders the bank. After a few moments, they decide to instead travel down along the bank and see if Dreier is further down. They hear a voice call out behind them, "Ey, where you goin?" They check and see what appears to be a border guard from Eisenreich behind them. TnC have a quick conference to decide what to say, then go forward to meet the border guard. Officer says, "Alright, who the hell are you and where are you going?" He then reaches in a bag while muttering something. He whips out the Wanted paper. "Oh shit, it IS you two guys!"

TnC, mostly pushed by Torix, decide to fight the borderguard. Weapons are drawn; borderguard has a bastard sword. Constantine slashes bordergaurd with rapier. He yells, "Get out here! Help!" Four thuggish guards burst out of the forest. The borderguard and TnC fight, while the borderguard yells, "Shit, I knew they weren't kidding about you guys!" The other guards move in. Three attack Constantine, one attacks Torix. Guard yells, "Look, if you surrender now, we will take you peacefully! I am Hans Eissler, and I am placing you under arrest!"

Torix: "I am Torix van Rijn, and I am going to de-leg you, goddamnit!"

Constantine spins with the rapier, slits two guys' throats, and hits the other one across the knees. Two of them ducked and avoided the attack. Hans is knocked prone. He says, "If I can't stop you both, maybe I can stop one of you!" He attacks Constantine. One of the other guards knocks Constantine down with a big club, then Eissler coup de' grace'd him, bringing him very close to death. Torix kills Eissler by de-legging. Constantine is on the floor basically dying. Torix helps him up. The other two guards attack Torix. Torix kills one of the minions while the last one yells, "Agh! These guys are demons!" He runs away. Torix charges after him and kills him. He then goes back to Constantine.

In the aftermath of this, Dreier shows up carrying this big piece of wood with a bunch of stuff on it with ropes and he's dragging it and there's a bunch of supplies on it, and he stops when he sees all the bodies.

Constantine: "Yeh, we… got into an altercation."

Dreier: "Well, I got you a raft." It's like, the wall of a shack. He asks them to come over and look at the stuff he's gotten for them. "I need to give you some new stuff." He opens a chest thing, and there's a bunch of piled up leather clothes. They are dark greens, earthen tones, etc. There are flamboyant hats and clothes, etc. etc. "You need to put these on. Under these, no one will recognize you."

They are now in new revamped clothes. Lots of greens and browns, with bright patches. One has a large straw hat, and the other is more of a babushka-style. Torix totally took the straw hat. Constantine took Morrison's fur coat. There are two fishing poles. Stick to steer the raft with. A rope. That's about all there is on it. Last thing he says is, "Ok. I guess in the end, you guys can go where you want, but I have my own recommendations of where you should go. I did my best to get my hands on a good map. We are here…. and the best place you guys should get to is the port city of Westhaven. The only real thing you might encounter are military people going down the West Stromm trying to get to the Maritime Islands to inform the Navy of the change of government. You should not stop anywhere, except maybe some of the forests. You must take the right turn, because if you take the left turn, you will end up in the Maritime Islands. If you must stop anywhere along the river of thieves, you can stop at the town of Tasch. That's probably your safest bet. I'm heading back to Eisenreich. Don't tell anybody who you are, you should come up with aliases now. Good luck. And remember, one last thing: Revenge is best served cold. Just like beer."


They get on the raft and are going down the river. A boat with four guys comes along behind them. They very much appear to be Hommeland soldiers. They call out, "Where are you two headed?"

Constantine: "We are headed for the town of Tasch."

Guard: "Oh, you have family in there laddie?"

Other Guard: "Oh yeh, I have family in Tasch!"

Torix recalls that they may sell fish in Tasch, and tells Constantine to say something about fish.

Constantine: "We gonna go trade for a fish."

Guard: "Wait a second! Do we recognize you from somewhere?" He pulls out the notice. "Are you guys Torix and Constantine van Rijn?"

Constantine: "Oh yeh, my name's Reynald Gordon."

Guard: "Perhaps we ought to have a little talk on the shore." Two of the guards whip out crossbows and inch toward them. They go to the bank.

Torix: "This is most upsetting, brother."

Guard: "What are you two's names again?"

Other Guard: "McAllen, let me handle this."

Constantine: "I'm Reynald, and this is my brother David Gordon."

Other Guard: "....ok, why don't you step on our boat…."

The guards and TnC go on the boat and start going down the river.

McAllen: "So where you comin' from, goin' to Tasch?"

Torix: "Where are YOU going?"

McAllen: "We're headed to the Maritime Islands to inform them of the change of government."

Informs them that Meyer is now a General.

Torix: "So what's that picture you busted out?"

McAllen: "Oh, Torix and Constantine, these two bastards that have killed people in the noble houses and mafia and innocent bystanders."

Torix: "Can I see that map?"

McAllen gives him the map.

Torix: "Well, these two are pretty bad, huh?"

McAllen: "Yeh. If you two happen to be the guys we're looking for…. well, you know." He pats his weapon.

TnC have whisper conference.

McAllen: "Et Stockholm, as long as we're taking a long time, we need something to do with these two, ey?"

Stockholm: "Contain yourself, McAllen. We're taking them to the Maritime Islands to see who they are first, and then we'll do whatever the military wants to do with them."

Constantine: "What process would go into identifiying us?"

Stockholm: "Well, they said they got some witnesses down there."

Constantine: "Oh… like, who?"

Stockholm: "Oh, just some guys the government could pull off the street without anyone missin em."

TnC just stand around while the raft continues to float, thinking of ideas. Constantine decides to pickpocket bolts from Stockholm. He successfully steals ten crossbow bolts. Torix tries to flip the raft, but FAILS. All the guards (except McAllen) turn on him and say, "What the hell are you doing?" Torix gives them a "wtf" look and tries it again, but FAILS.

Torix: "Who constructed this thing?"

Stockholm: "The… boat-makers near Eisenreich?"

Torix: "Quite, a sturdy vessel."

Constantine: "Me and my brother had a bet, and it looks like I came out on top."

Torix hands Constantine a gold piece. They then both jump at the same time to try to flip the raft, and they both FAIL MISERABLY. The guards draw their weapons.

They initiate combat with Vance McAllen, Jay Stockholm, and the other two marines. Torix knocks down one of the marines. Another one of the marines jumps off the raft and swims off to notify others. Constantine kills the knocked down marine and the corpse falls into the water.

McAllen: "You two ARE Torix and Constantine!"

Constantine: (in mocking Scottish accent) "That's a GOOD guess!"

Stockholm jumps off and swims.

McAllen: "Alright! Alright! If you spare me, I'll help you steer this boat and get to Tasch!"

Stockholm: "McAllen! what're you DOIN'!?"

McAllen: "I'm savin' my ass! Now go and TELL somebody about these two!"


They are in hick country, travelling down the River of Thieves. They hear plinking music up ahead. They are both dressed in raggedy hickish clothing. Some weird trappings of fancy, but it's like they're making a play at it. One of them is playing what appears to be a barrel with a broomstick coming out of it with animal guts turned into string. Has opium in mouth, and has a long grey beard. The other one is holding a weird combination between a banjo and a violin. He has a short thick black beard and a straw hat with one of the sides turned up.

Longbeard: "Rah! Ah! Rah'm tah'Tasch'na rahd!"

Constantine: "I'm sorry! I can't hear you!"

They pass by them, about five feet away.


Quiet time.

McAllen: "So really, what are you guys doing going to Tasch?"

Torix: "-coughcough-None of your business."

McAllen: "As long as I'm taking you there, I think I should know."

Torix: "No, you don't."

Constantine: "We ARE headed to Tasch to trade for a fish."

McAllen: "So… what kind of fish you trying to get?"

Constantine: "It doesn't matter as far as you're concerned. I mean, we don't care what kind of fish we get, just so long as it's a fish."

Torix: "Presumably to eat."

McAllen: "It looks like we've come to the edge of Tasch. Let me help you dock."

They dock.

Constantine: "McAllen! Stay at the raft!"

Torix: "Actually, no, I don't trust him with the raft."

Constantine: "McAllen! DON'T stay at the raft!!"

They go into town.

Constantine: "Keep your mouth shut."

They decide to talk to a dude.

Constantine: "So, we're just passing through this river town. Anything you can tell us?"

Street person: "Well, you're in the town of Tasch. We fish, and drink, and yeh… I don't know if'n what yer gettin at."

Constantine: "Is there any kind of trouble around here? Because we have a habit of making trouble go away."

Street person: "Uh, not that I know of…"

Constantine: "Well… any where to… buy… a fish?"

Street person: "Yeah, that would be down at Eezeekeel's."

They go there.

Torix: "Give us your weapon."

McAllen: "Well, I've already taken you to Tasch, I don't think you have to…"

Torix: "Yes. Yes we do."

McAllen: "I don't think you want to kill me in front of all these people."

He starts to walk away.

McAllen: "Why don't you two just leave me alone?"

Constantine: "Where are you going?"

McAllen: "To the raft. I brought you to Tasch, now let me go."

Torix and Constantine move in on him.

McAllen: "Perhaps we should talk to the fishmonger first."

Constantine: "But only if you come with us."

McAllen: "....Alright. I'll go with you."

Fishmonger: "Whoodeehow, what can I get for ya?"

Constantine: "Fish. Now."

Fishmonger: "Well, I can get you some tuna, or I could get you some salmon, or…"

Torix: "Salmon."

Fishmonger pulls out salmon. "How much do you want?"

Constantine: "Umm… that much."

They pay the money. They then go into the center of town.

Constantine: "Oh no, McAllen, I don't think these people and their mothers are stupid and uneducated!"

The hicks gather around.

Street person: "What'd you say about us?"

Constantine: "Oh, well, this fellow here was just saying how you and your mothers are stupid and uneducated! These high city government folk are always trying to control us small folk, even where their jurisdiction does not apply!"

Street person: "Well, mister McAllen, maybe you should take a walk with us into Ashton's Tavern and have a little chat with the bartender." They take McAllen into the tavern.

They find out Jim Mueller, a big Torix-sized fellow with fishing-waders and a doublet, can steer a boat. He invites them to stay overnight in Tasch and brings them to his room. Tells them that bar people will mess McAllen up.

Jim: "So what brings you boys through here?"

Torix: "What IS it that brings us to Tasch?"

Constantine: "Well, I'm Morrison White and this is my brother James. We're going to Westhaven because we really don't agree with the new Kaiser that's taken power in Eisenreich."

Torix: "We're trying to get as far away from Eisenreich as possible."

They explain about the Kaiser.

Jim takes a drag of some big pipe. "That's heavy. So, where do you plan to go after you go to Westhaven?"

Constantine: "Well, we're probably gonna go to either the land of Dwarves or Elves. Find some people with some sense."

Torix: "For real, breh."

Jim: "Damn." Takes a drag. "You guys want some."

They politely decline.

Jim: "Well, I guess that's the night for me." He sleeps on his bed, with his back against the wall while TnC sleep on the dirt floor.


When they wake up, Jim (and their fish) are gone. They go out the door. They find Jim in the town center with a fish in the firepit.

Jim: "Hope you don't mind I took the liberty of starting this up. So uh, go ahead and grab a hunk of it."

Constantine: "Ever know what happened to that city slicker guy?"

Jim throws a thumb in one direction. There's a limp-looking dude kneeling in the muddy bank with his head in the mud.

Jim: "Yeh, the people of Tasch are generally peaceful unless you say something about their mother. If you say something about their COUSIN, they might just think you're trying to hook them up. So how's the fish?"

Constantine: "It's got a nice flavor. It's actually got a smooth leading flavor with sour aftertaste; but it is welcome. It dances on the pallet."

Torix: "Better than rat."

Jim: "Alright boys, well, whenever you feel like getting ready… though I think we ought to go thank Mr. Eezeekeel for this fish."

They do so. They notice there is a gathering of the folk in the center of town. The two hicks they passed by way earlier on are all mucky and dirty, glaring at them.

Longbeard spits.

Constantine: "Oh, it's you two!"

Longbeard: "Why yes it is, us two!

Constantine: "Where are your instruments?"

Longbeard: "We had to leave them behind, cuz we had to walk!"

Torix: "Hard."

Constantine: "I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed a ride. I couldn't hear what you had to say."

Longbeard: "I tell you what. All will be forgiven if you can beat us in a drinking game."

Constantine: "What happens if we lose?"

Longbeard: "Well, if you lose, you gots to take us to Westhaven, cuz that's where we're headed next."

Constantine: "You go on ahead to the tavern, we'll catch up to you."

Longbeard: "We brought our own liquor."

Jim backs off. "If you guys need a help with a fight, I'll help, but I ain't doin no drinkin game."

Longbeard: "Now as is custom in any Rocky Plains drinking game, we must introduce ourselves. My name Oslo Herring, but you can call me Red."

Blackbeard: "My name is Rey Maslow."

Constantine: "What's your nickname?"

Blackbeard: "It's Rey. Or Mas. Your pick."

Red: "So what's yer names?"

Constantine: "I'm Morrison White and this is my brother James."

Red: "So, who's gonna take the first sip?"

Maslow: "Guess I will."

A crowd gathers. Maslow fails after second sip. Torix also fails after second sip. Red is getting hazy after second sip. Constantine fails after second sip.

Red: "Looks like you're takin us to Westhaven!"

Constantine: "No! We don't have to take you anywhere! You cheated!"

One of the hicks laughs, nudges the body of McAllen, his body slides into the muck and his legs go up in the air.

Hick: "Did I hear someone trying to get out of an official rule in Tasch?"

They get on the raft: Torix, Constantine, Maslow, Red, and Jim.


Red: "So, why you two goin' on down to Westhaven?"

Constantine: "We don't agree with the new government that just took power."

Red: "Wow, what new government took power?"

Constantine: "Well, Kaiser Balthasar got assassinated by the new Kaiser named Violet."

Red: "Does the military know yet?"

Constantine: "Pretty much. Also, there's these two fugitives running around."

Torix: "We're really scared of them."

Red: "Would any of you boys care for some of my stronger liquor?"

Everyone except Maslow refuses.

Constantine: "So why you two headed to Westhaven?"

Red: "Well, we lost our last two instruments, so now we're headed to Westhaven to get more."

Constantine: "You got uh, some money to make that purchase?"

Red: "Well, we got skills."

Constantine: "So you two are musicians?"

Red: "Yeh."

Constantine: "Know any songs? You know, to sing?"

Red: "Well, we generally play better with the strung-barrel and arm-guitar."

They decide to make camp on the bank so Red and Maslow can fish. TnC feel woozy. They pass out.


They wake up in the middle of some forest clearing. There is a raggedy piece of leather with writing on it on the floor, and a compass.

"Betcha thought we couldn't write. Now there ain't no hard feelings 'bout this, but we figured we had to walk part of the way, you have to find your way to Westhaven from here. We took your navigator along. He was a lot more agreeable after we hit him a couple of times on the head with a large stick and he saw you two were passed out. Hope to see ya in Westhaven. Signed, Red. P.S. Next time someone just asking for a ride, you ought to pick 'em up."

They see three paths going out of the clearing. They go down the middle. They hear a noise, and pull out their weapons. A bear comes down and meets them. After much fighting, they finally kill the bear. Constantine shoots it in the eye. They then continue to walk through the forest. There's a man in the forest hacking up a dead pig. Very wiry, no hair on his face, long dready hair, very greasy. Hacking up a pig. Torix loudly clears his throat and the man yelps in surprise.

Torix: "Whatcha doin there?"

Man: "Eatin some pig."

Torix: "Know where we are?"

Man: "You're in my territory."

Constantine: "We'll be sure to get out of it, as soon as you point us in the direction of Westhaven."

Man: "Westhaven is that way." He makes a weird gesture.

Constantine: "um… which way?"

Man: "That way." Weird gesture.

TnC start leaving awkwardly.

Man: "Where you going?"

Torix: "That way." Makes a weird gesture.

Some dialogue happens and the man, Hadrian Redding, informs TnC about some men with big ambitions and dreams that have a fire and he wants them to get the fire, mentioning that they don't have beards except ones made of metaphors. They go in the direction he indicates and finds some men around a campfire. A trap opens up as they try to move on, and the people around the fire run after them yelling about food in the trap.

One of the men: "Where you goin?"

Constantine: "THAT way!" Weird gestures.

One of the men gives them the direction to Westhaven. They go that way.


Bunch of water— egde of the forest. A pirate ship goes by.

Pirate: "Avast, there be stragglers!"

A plank extends to the land.

Pirate: "What are you two doin round here?"

Constantine: "Headed to Westhaven."

Pirate: "Yargh, we be headed there too."

A deal is struck. TnC essentially join the crew as fighters in exchange for passage to Westhaven.

Pirate: "I'm Captain Seamus Flanders."

Constantine: "Would you happen to know any Mark Dutchman?"

Flanders: "Yargh, I be long time associates with Sly Eddy and Brutal Mark."

TnC explain how they know Sly Eddy and Brutal Mark.

Flanders: "Well, any friend of Eddy and Mark is a friend of mine."

They shakes the hands. Flanders explains it will be a day or three before they reach Westhaven. Flanders says the navy doesn't pay attention to small ships like these. He then reveals he knows about the change of government and Kaiser Vincent.

Flanders: "And at the same time, we've been retreating away from Westhaven, ain't we, boys?"

They all yell, "Aye!"

Torix: "AWAY from Westhaven?"

Flanders: "Cap'n Black Henry has taken control of the southern sea 'round Westhaven."

Torix: "You're still taking us to Westhaven, right?"

Flanders: "Yes, we're thinking of challenging this Black Henry."

TnC say they would be willing to join the brawl, and reveal their nicknames, the Butchers of Eisenreich. These pirates haven't heard of TnC. They say they will probably just let TnC go into Westhaven on their own when they get there to handle Black Henry. They come upon a ship.

Flanders: "You boys ready to get some experience in pirating?"

They agree. TnC are sent on a rowboat over to the merchant ship and climb on. They order the five men on board to give TnC their ship. He says his name is Captian Fabian Mahler and is a merchant marine. He orders his guards to attack TnC.

Torix lops one of the guards' heads off. Constantine attacks Fabian. Torix is eventually knocked into the water, but then climbs back onto the ship while Constantine engages the three guards and Captain Fabian. Constantine slashes two of the guards' kneecaps open. Fabian retreats, then charges again, but is eventually defeated.

Fabian: "Alright! fine! I'll give you whatever you want! Just don't kill me! I can give you money, clothes, a sword or two…"

Constantine: "Alright, we'll grant you quarter."

Fabian: "Well, what do you want?"

Constantine: "All of the above."

Fabian: "Oh, bother."

He shows them a chest where all the gold is. There are also two belts that hold their pants very well. They get new revamped outfits.

Fabian: "If I may ask, what are your names?"

Torix: "James White."

Constantine: "Morrison White."

Fabian retreats into his quarters. TnC load all the booty onto the rowboat and take it to the pirate ship.

Constantine: "So how'd we do?"

Flanders: "Good. I hope you do run into Black Henry, and when you do, tell him Mad Seamus sends him his regarghds."

In the distance, is Westhaven.




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